TALE OF THE TAPE

Tale Of The Tape: NHL Negotiations Vs. A Bad Date

With the NHL lockout leading to the cancellation of more and more of the hockey season, the negotiations of commissioner Gary Bettman between the players union and team owners are looking less like a labor dispute with sports professionals and more like a bad date with someone your parents introduced you to. Are these contract disputes truly better or worse than your worst dating experience? Let’s take a look at the facts.

NHL Negotiations
Bad Dates
NHL Media Availability
(credit: Getty Images)
(credit: Getty Images)
Being Stood Up
Locks you out of your workplace for months with security guards at the ready.
Winner Leaves you drinking water and eating table bread at a restaurant for over an hour before letting you know they can’t make it.
Who's Involved
People who look like your grandfather with way too much make-up on and nothing like someone who had ever picked up a hockey stick.
Winner Someone who looks like your grandfather with way too much make-up on and nothing like that online personal you replied to.
Meeting Point
Winner Undisclosed locations that sound like dingy basements with blood-spattered walls and one fluorescent light bulb in the middle.
A self-help seminar on how to trust people again after your parents put your dog to sleep and tell you he ran away.
Conversations
Winner Talks about money in a way only accountants and financial analysts can understand.
Talks about money in a way only accountants and financial analysts would, as far as they know.
Possible 2nd Date?
Winner Abruptly breaks off talks and doesn’t speak to the other party for a week.
Runs crying from the restaurant and calls you up a week later to tell you, “we should do this again.”
Outsider Perspective
Winner More action and drama than the NHL has had as a sport in years.
Winner Hilarious to everyone involved except the two people on the actual date.

The Winner Is

NHL Media Availability
Winner NHL Negotiations
4 out of 6

After some careful consideration and thoughtful review, its been determined that the NHL Negotiations are worse than a bad date. Why? Because not even a federally appointed mediator can't help fix the problem.

MORE TALES OF THE TAPE

  1. (Photo by Larry French/Getty Images) (Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)
    Tale Of The Tape: Washington Redskins At Dallas Cowboys

    This is a huge game on the Monday night stage, and head coach Jay Gruden would like to make a bold statement.

  2. (Photo by Mike McGinnis/Getty Images) (Photo by Leon Halip/Getty Images)
    Tale Of The Tape: Green Bay Packers At New Orleans Saints

    The Packers may have struggled in the first three games of the season, but they have been rolling since then, and the main reason for that is the spectacular roll that Aaron Rodgers is on.

  3. (Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images) (Photo by Sam Greenwood/Getty Images)
    Tale Of The Tape: Oakland Raiders At Cleveland Browns

    The Raiders probably would have wanted the Browns to win in Week Seven at Jacksonville so they could have caught them playing with less than full intensity.

See All Tales of the Tape
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 15,191 other followers