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TALE OF THE TAPE

NFL

  1. Carolina Panthers v Baltimore Ravens San Diego Chargers v Arizona Cardinals
    Tale Of The Tape: Carolina Panthers At Arizona Cardinals

    The Panthers are coming off a huge 38-0 win over the Giants prior to their bye week. The win may have saved head coach Ron Rivera’s job.

  2. elicredit2.jpg boxingcredit2.jpg
    The Giants Losing To Carolina Vs. Little Mac Losing To Glass Joe In “Punch-Out”

    Perhaps the most lopsided battle in video game sports is that of Little Mac vs. Glass Joe – the first fight in Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out! If done correctly, skilled players can knock the beans out of Joe in 42 seconds, flat. Unskilled players can still take him out before three rounds are up. And unskilled players who think too much would wonder – why is a French guy named “Joe”?

    In any case, we here at CBS wondered, what was a more lopsided matchup (and subsequent surprising defeat): Mac vs. Joe? Or the recent Super Bowl champion New York Giants vs. the mostly hapless Carolina Panthers? Let’s go to the tape. Please note that the “winner” of each category is the more humiliating option:

  3. natecredit1.jpg digiornocredit1.jpg
    One Broken Arm Later: Nate Burleson’s Pizza Vs. DiGiorno (It’s Not Delivery)

    Detroit Lions’ wide receiver Nate Burleson is great at receiving both deftly thrown footballs and emergency roadside medical treatment. Recently, he crashed his car into a Jersey barrier after dropping a slice of pizza around 2:30 in the morning. Apparently there was no hooch in his system, it’s just that he was being a big ol’ bag of dum-dum lollipops. The question that we at CBS can’t help but ask: would he have been better off cooking himself a DiGiorno frozen pizza? Let’s go to the tape.

  4. bearscredit5.jpg lionscredit3.jpg
    Tale Of The Tape: Chicago Bears At Detroit Lions

    Through the first three weeks of the season, the marriage between Jay Cutler and head coach Marc Trestman is working out quite nicely.

  5. jetscredit2.jpg titanscredit2.jpg
    Tale Of The Tape: New York Jets At Tennessee Titans

    Geno Smith has done enough to keep the Jets’ heads above water.

  6. eaglescredit1.jpg broncoscredit6.jpg
    Tale Of The Tape: Philadelphia Eagles At Denver Broncos

    The Eagles started the season in explosive fashion vs. the Redskins in Week One, but they have struggled since then.

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