Filed underArts & Culture
Halloween is over a month away, but we all know someone who waits until an hour before going out to cobble an outfit together. Some may call this lazy. Others may call this incredibly lazy. We here at CBS Radio are here to help. Here’s some great costume ideas for the gentleman in your life who has a hard time thinking for himself.
15. Sexy Sheet Ghost
Let’s start with a spin on a timeless classic. Think cutting some eye holes in your stained bedsheet and draping it over yourself is too cliché? Think again. You can spice up a ghost costume simply by wearing some compression shorts and showing off those gams. Or you can wear some dad jeans and wonder where the last 10 years of your life have gone.
14. Scream Guy
The Scream mask! Never been done before. Whatever. When did Halloween become the holiday where we’re supposed to expend valuable energy on being original and witty? Wear a tux with your Scream mask, and you’re part 1997 college bro, part Tom Cruise in Eyes Wide Shut.
13. Sexy Mitt Romney
Four words: Binders. Full. Of. Women. Mittens may not have won the election, but he won the hearts of women all over America with his empathy. Get some of that Touch of Gray hair dye from Target and some penny loafers and you’ll be the sexiest man this side of Salt Lake.
12. Sexy Colonel Sanders
Wearing white after labor day? Hey, rules are made to be broken. If you wanna impress the ladies this Halloween, you gotta show that you’re a risk-taker. A real bad boy. Nothing conjures up the rebellious image like KFC’s resident chicken slayer. And chances are if you’re an elderly southern gent that you look like this naturally. If you’re under 70, just go fishing through your granddad’s closet and superglue some cotton to your chin.
LOOK AT THAT DOG. You know how many women would squeal upon seeing that dog? A lot more than would squeal at you for being the latest douche to do the Clark Kent thing this year. This isn’t even a costume recommendation for you. Just get a dog and dress it up. You’ll be better off, loser.
10. Rocky Horror Picture Show Guy
Dr. Frank N. Furter, to be exact. This costume doubles up because anyone under the age of 23 will have no idea what the hell you’re supposed to be. Seriously, this stopped being funny about 20 years ago. But if you’ve come this far, chances are you’re desperate for ideas. A great second option for the guy who took our advice about getting the Colonel Sanders get-up from their grandpa’s closet; if gramps doesn’t have the right outfit, just ransack your grandma’s lingerie drawer and you’ll be in tip-top shape! Just don’t expect any of your extended family to look you in the eye this Christmas.
9. Sexy Run DMC
Russell Simmons has no excuse for this. The guy is worth 300 million dollars. He makes more money during a cat nap than your dad did in 40 years at the used car lot. For a peasant such as yourself, this outfit is perfect! Just go to your local goodwill and find an Adidas jumpsuit and cut the pants down to short shorts. Maybe rip the sleeves off for an extra touch. To really top it off, spray paint your bike chain gold and voila! You’re officially the coolest dude at your office’s Halloween bash.
8. Robin Thicke/Sexy Beetlejuice
Because wherever you are on Halloween, you’re going to hear “Blurred Lines” so many times that your eyes will twerk. Find the ugliest black and white suit you can get, grow the wispiest goatee you possibly can and wear shades indoors. Thank me later.
Possibly the easiest outfit to put together this year. Or the year before. Or the year before that. Look, if you’re the type of guy who thinks it’s funny to dress up as a hipster, there’s a good chance that your actual wardrobe may be funnier than the American Apparel v-neck and skinny jeans you’re going to wear this Halloween. Just wear a beanie and some thick frames and tell all the ladies about how your degree in photography ruined your relationship with your parents.
6. Sexy Slash
Kind of redundant. Nothing says “mysterious” like a top-hat and a Les Paul. Just wear a sleeveless t-shirt, leather vest, aviators, and a top hat and you’re good. For an awesome spin, wear a monocle. All of a sudden, you’re sexy Monopoly Man.
5. Justin Bieber
Just find the absolute worst-fitting pants you can get and sing “Baby” or something.
4. Cam Newton
Ever since he was drafted by the Panthers, women all over the Queen City have been clamoring for Cam. Wear number 1′s jersey and drape a towel over your head and you’re the new face of the franchise. Just watch your body language.
We have to talk, bro. You know that Batman costume you’ve been stoked about wearing this year? Know how you’ve been perfecting your “WHERE’S RACHELLLL” voice? It’s played out. Played. Out. Instead, be one of the three million men in this city who are going to be dressed as Bane! Buy one of those masks from Party City and wear a really ugly coat. Also look up the “Bane Freestyles” video on YouTube and start perfecting your goofy Bane voice.
2. Sad Billy Ray Cyrus
Who’d have thunk that grooming your kid for stardom from the womb would have these results? Billy Ray has put on a brave face in the wake of twerkgate, but you can’t help but feel like deep down he’s sobbing like he just watched the part of Lion King where Mufasa dies. Get some hair straightener, grow the thickest soul patch you can and think about losing your first pet and you’ll have this look down.
1. Don Draper
The easiest costume on the list. Just wear a nice tux, rub some pomade in your hair and go for the side part. Have a drink in your hand at all times. Also, being impossibly handsome doesn’t hurt.