Dear Flash Girl,
My wife recently gave me her facebook password for something, and while I was logged in I started reading her messages. I found a bunch of messages to a male friend of hers. They never dated, but I don’t think guys can really be friends with girls so I don’t trust him. It wasn’t the nature of the messages that bother me, but the fact there are so many. They message each other almost daily with jokes and deep quotes and ["crap"]. We don’t write each other like that. Should I be worried about their relationship? Do you think it’s wrong for married people to have close opposite sex friends?
Your facebook friend
For starters, I think sharing facebook, e-mail, and other social media passwords is a good thing in relationships. As a present to my last boyfriend, I gave him my passwords, as a token of trust, offering full access to my life (and thanks for reminding me of that because I just realized I haven’t changed my passwords since).
But that’s kind of the point … he never even used them (I think). And I would never date a guy if I felt like I had to go to that extent and basically spy on him. And you don’t want any girl to ever do that, either … trust me. A pissed off, insecure woman does better hacking than the FBI.
You checking her mail says either one of two things: either you’ve got some insecurity issues you should consider working on. OR, the real reason I feel like most men and women do crazy stuff like read e-mails … your instinct is raising suspicion.
Your instinct is perhaps the most underrated tool in decision-making. But the trick is not confusing intuition with insecurity.
In my personal opinion, it’s probably not anything … if she gave you her password then she’s going to use a different form of contact to flirt with another guy. Let’s give her some credit here … if she’s cheating, she’d be smart about it. And let’s be honest … how many guys send e-mail correspondence that girls usually send one another? He might like you better than your wife if you know what I mean.
But I’m not saying girls don’t cheat … because, trust me, we do. We’re just smart about it, which is how we get away with it.
And you’ll never catch me at a dinner table filled with women and martinis complaining about men cheating … because I know why I’ve been cheated on. Because I’ve cheated. It’s called karma; I just got what I deserved. But you men make it so easy with your video game, sports, and other girl’s boobs ADD. Pay attention to your woman, and she won’t be seeking attention elsewhere. And when you’re paying attention you’ll notice if she’s cheating or not.
That said … don’t manifest evidence or a scenario that doesn’t exist, but more importantly though, don’t ignore your instinct. Let it go for now, Sherlock. But just monitor her behavior and see if she’s getting emotionally withdrawn or acting shady. And I’ll tell you what I tell all the girls – the heart is naïve, and the mind rationalizes — but the one thing that will never steer you wrong is your gut.
But no, being friends with the opposite sex is not cheating … unless there is sex being had or wanted in said relationship. As for guys and girls not being able to be friends because of that, well, that’s a whole other issue for another day and another blog … what do you guys reading this think? Can we be friends?
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