Getting someone’s attention is not an easy task these days, especially in this fast-paced-technologically-advanced world that makes those without ADD in the minority. Attention spans tend to come and go faster than a 4G network, so getting the attention of a woman you’d like to talk to is a difficult task – you have to put on your game face and make your move to steal her attention like you’re trying to steal a base. Sometimes you score, and sometimes you get out.
But just know that there are better ways to go about getting a lady’s attention than the following news story. This dude’s game is so bad he makes Jimmy Clausen look like Super-Cam. And this is a real, actual news story (I couldn’t make this up)…
The Japanese police recently arrested Yoshihto Harada for purposely slashing over 1000 tires in an attempt to meet women. The 25-year-old would slash the tires and then offer assistance in changing the flat … that, was his game. He’d put a woman in a dansel in distress situation and then swoop in and try to be their prince. And it worked in some cases as he dated several victims, but then a group of women went to the police after comparing stories and realized the trend. Do not, I repeat, do NOT do that!
But Harada over in Japan isn’t the only man whose attempts at picking up women cross the line from romantic to all out creepy.
Just ask the guy who introduced himself to me by walking up and biting me on my shoulder like he was a vampire in Twilight. After I was done screaming in pain he said, “You taste like pancakes.”
I didn’t know what to do other than wag my finger in his face and say “NO!” like I would to my dog if she were to mistake my arm for a chew toy.
I threw out the bottle of scented lotion I wore that night. Meanwhile, some guy in a skeezy t-shirt walked up behind me while I was out at my favorite Lake Norman dive and just grabbed a handful of my hair and started braiding it. He got my attention, alright. But need I explain the difference between positive and negative attention? Didn’t think so…
So I thought I’d help you guys out; I formed a list of things you SHOULD NOT DO in order to get the attention of a woman of interest, or else you risk becoming a person of interest for the cops!
*Send a creepy facebook message with a picture of you taking a selfie, shirtless in the bathroom mirror.
*Just walk up and hand us a drink. Aside from assuming you roofied it, at least ask us what we want before assuming we want some girly cranberry cocktail.
*Send a wingman over … grow some balls and go talk to her herself. If a guy sends his friend over I will proceed to talk to that friend because he’s the one who actually approached me.
*Tweet us your phone number – that reeks of desperation and may inspire us to send an 800 number back.
*Wear a wedding ring – that sends the signal of “taken” not “up for the taking” … that stunt only works in the movies.
*Send a child over to get our attention. Kids are not pimps! That’s a cheap trick and we’ll likely only pay more attention to the child anyway.
*Follow a hot girl you see stopped at a red light until she parks. We won’t see that as an opportunity to say hi, but rather your opportunity to find out where we live so you can come murder us in our sleep.
*Check the phone number on a girl’s dog’s tags so you can have it (or any other sneaky means of deriving our digits without directly asking us)… if we want you to utilize our phone number, we will give it to you (our real one even).
Now if you need some advice on HOW TO catch a woman’s attention without catching a restraining order, then hit me up at firstname.lastname@example.org