I’m back from the holiday hiatus to answer your questions about the biggest mystery there is to men – a subject more debatable than the effectiveness of running quarterbacks and more confusing than the interception the replacement refs called a touchdown … women!
Here are some questions men wrote in and asked me at firstname.lastname@example.org:
What are the guidelines of calling another girl cute in front of your girlfriend?
A guy in trouble with his girlfriend
Simmer down Brent Musburger!
Much like I don’t think ESPN needed to apologize on behalf of Musburger for calling a beauty queen beautiful, I don’t think you need to apologize for doing so either … but note, calling a girl adjectives like “beautiful,” “cute” and “attractive” is a lot different than calling her “hot” and “sexy.” One is a complimenting, the other is objectifying. We women point out pretty girls all the time, but in most cases and with most women, that does not give you an open invitation to do the same.
If a girl asks you if you think another girl is hot, don’t answer yes … she’s asking because she knows she is and is insecure about it. And even the most confident, secure woman can feel a little jaded when she’s reminded that she has competition. But you should be making her feel secure enough in your feelings for her that she knows where your heart is, regardless of where your eyes are. Because as long as your eyes are the only thing that’s wandering, you aren’t doing anything wrong. We know you’re going to look at other women, you just don’t need to remind us!
Cason-Point: you’re better off just keeping your mouth shut!
When do you have the DTR (Define The Relationship) talk with a girl about whether or not we’re exclusive?
Well, the question is – do you want to avoid it, or do you want to have it? If you don’t want to share her, then just bring it up and see where she stands. Because chances are, if she’s sleeping with you, she’s exclusive with you in her head already.
Meanwhile, if you want to avoid it, just don’t bring it up – simple as that. We typically won’t, because just like with marriage – you get to decide when to ask. But if she does bring it up, whatever you do, DO NOT lie to her and write checks with your mouth your heart can’t cash. You can’t fake it til’ you make with a relationship. Because in any relationship … partnership, arrangement (whatever you want to call it before it’s official), be upfront and honest. If you’re not looking for a relationship and she is, then let her know so that she can look elsewhere if she so chooses. Because leading on a woman will only lead you to trouble!
Check out previous Flash Girl Columns HERE
If you have a question for Flash Girl write her at Flashgirl@wfnz.com