Dear Flash Girl,
I listen to you guys every morning and am reaching out to you because a) you don’t know me and can’t get me in trouble for saying what I’m about to say, and I really don’t have anyone else to talk to about this. I am married with 3 young kids. I’m one of those stereotypical bankers with the white collar and picture perfect home, white fence and all. But I have a dark side. Cause then there’s also this administrative assistant in my department who is super hot, wears revealing outfits to the office, and is at my beck and call. I find myself thinking about her more than my wife. I’ve been spending my lunch breaks with her, and we’ve flirted when working late. Let’s just say I know I have a shot, but I’m not sure I want to take it. Well, I want to, but know I shouldn’t. How can I not become one of those cliche men that cheat on their wife with the secretary?
Wow … this is some serious stuff here. Stuff that I’m sure many men can relate to, so thank you for writing in.
Well for starters, worse than being a cliche, is being a cheater. But know that you’re not crazy for having those temptations, you just are if you act on them.
I read a book by Gary Chapman titled The 5 Love Languages, and something in it made a lot of sense that can be applied to your situation. Among the five love languages are “Receiving Gifts,” “Words of Affirmation,” “Quality Time,” Physical Touch,” and “Acts of Service.” Acts of Service – meaning, a person feels loved when they are served, and being taken care of – having your needs addressed and met are signs of affection, and what ultimately attracts you to someone.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that like many men, your love language is “Acts of Service.”
Your wife probably spoke volumes of it to you by making your house a home and fulfilling the traditional roles of a wife. But then you had kids and that changed her primary role from wife to mother, and now she mainly serves the kids. Now, you have a hot young woman at your service for eight hours a day. I can see how that might create a love language barrier for you … but remember, you’re in foreign territory and not in your homeland! And just to clarify, the hot young girl is only serving you because it’s her job, not her wifely duty to you – don’t get it twisted.
Let your wife know that while you appreciate what she does, she isn’t speaking your language anymore. Don’t translate her lack of service to you as neglect, just remind her of what it is you need to be fulfilled … and remember that if you cheat on your wife, you’re cheating on your children too.
Chances are, the admin is likely attracted to you as well. You’re in a position of power, and that is a turn on to a woman – especially a recent college graduate looking to further her career or get promoted to stay-at-home-trophy-wife.
I can sympathize with you in the fact that it’s natural, and very common, to build a bond with your coworkers. You spend so much time with them it’s easy to develop feelings on a personal level. But you have your work, and then you have your home … don’t ruin them both with one unzip of the pants. Because trust me, you don’t want to pee in the pool while you’re still swimming in it. I’ve dated coworkers, and not even cheating on or leaving anyone to do so, and it was still a really bad idea. But can you just imagine how hard it is to resist, sitting next to a stud muffin like Jim Celania every morning.
Cason-Point: Don’t do it! You’re a banker, invest in your family – a hot young piece of ass doesn’t have the return that a loving family does.
Your free therapist, Flash Girl Brittney Cason