“When you ladies wake up at a gentleman’s house, and you don’t want to put your dress from the night before back on and ask for a T-shirt, do you know then that you’re never giving it back?” ~Jim Celania
Oh Jim … This is not the first time Jim’s brought up hook-up t-shirt heists, so I’m thinking he’s had quite a few go missing in his day. I honestly don’t really get the concept of wearing an oversized t-shirt while carrying heels, that’s more shameful of a walk than just wearing what you had on the night before. But whatever — if you don’t call or court us, we’re keeping it by default, and if we’re dating, we like to sleep in it when we’re not sleeping with you … so chances are, you’re probably not getting your t-shirt back unless you stay friends with your exes. That reminds me, I have some t-shirts I need to return …
Meanwhile, Mac came in to work this morning with a pimple the size of Lake Norman on his forehead. Seriously, it looked like he got hit in the head with a baseball more than a pimple. And being a man (meaning not vain like a woman), he had no clue how to get rid of his blemish tumor.
So here’s the trick, boys …
For starters, if this is an ongoing problem, invest in a little gadget called The Zeno, which you can get at Target or any pharmacy, and it basically melts a pimple before it rears it’s ugly head . If that’s too girly for you, then just steralize a needle or sharp object and poke a hole in it to puncture it just enough so you can drain the fluid and get some acne medication actually in the pimple. You can rub some zit zapper cream on it all day long, but topical creams aren’t going to get t the root of the zit. Toothpaste is also good for drying it out if even having pimple cream is too girly to have in your cabinet.
But the most important thing is to put Neosporin on it, before and after you pop it. A pimple is just bacteria after all. And I know you can’t help but pick at it anyway, so the Neosporin will deminish any sign of scarring.
But I guess the easiest thing to do is to just wash your face well. Use your wife’s girly exfoliant and face lotions. Truth be told, we women don’t really care about a little pimple on you anyways, and I personally like it when my man gets pimples so I can pop them. But I am weird.
“Why do you girls always need to wear make-up everywhere? It’s 11 a.m. and we’re just going to get a snack, and my girlfriend feels the need to put on make-up.” ~Intern Jeff
We use make-up to mask our own insecurities. I know I look less tired with a little concealer and mascara on. Though I never actually wear it to the studio (the guys are actually lucky if I wash my face before I get there), a lot of it is just wanting to look good for our man! She probably just wants to put her best face forward for you, and that involves a little powdering of it. Just remind her that you like the way she looks without make-up, it lets us women know that you like us for who we are not what we look like — and we like that! Though we do like to gussy ourselves up a little so we think we look better to ourselves in the mirror, we actually prefer to not deal with the hassle of make-up, honestly. Being a woman is a pain the ass sometimes!
“Why do you girls always take up the whole bed?” ~Intern Joe-ness
Because we are sleeping, and we have no idea we’re monopolizing the mattress. And, we hate it when you break away from the spoon and roll over. I guess it’s just about touching and subconsciously knowing the other person is there … so just move us since we liked to be touched so much.
“Where is the line between chivalry and equality?“ ~Colin
Wow, that’s deep Colin. Let me re-read all the Women’s History books from college and get back to you. Actually, I remember watching an old black and white movie with my mom that looked like a fairytale how well the men were treating the women and the lengths they went for just for a date. Meanwhile a guy trying to “date” me was texting me at 10:30 p.m. to come over and watch a movie vs. take me on a date … not happening dude! So I turned to my mom and asked her when men stopped being chivalrous. And she turned to me and just said, “when we wanted to be equal.”
That, and women have lowered their standards so much. You men can get away with just about anything. You can even cheat on us, and watch the women blame each other instead of you. But if you want a good girl, you gotta execute chivalry! Would it kill you to open the door for us?
And my boy Otis from over at Kiss 95.1 wants to know if we women deliberately plant items at your house to “mark our territory.”
Well, we’re not like dogs pee’ing on a tree if that’s what you mean. Victoria’s Secret is too expensive to just be hiding souvenirs at your place, and we actually want to keep our jewelry, and find that other earring. So I don’t think it’s on purpose … but if we’re sleeping at your house, we don’t want other women sleeping there too. Just saying. And if you’re concerned about it because you’re doing something shady you just need to make sure to clean up better, I guess, maybe even start a Lost & Found.