First off, thank you for all your letters and inquiries. You men are not clueless by any means, we woman are just very complex. Being of the complicated female species, I completely sympathize with your lack of understanding of us, and am here to help. But after receiving a rather lengthy letter from one listener, I feel I should give a disclaimer: Though I took several psychology classes in college, I am by no means a therapist. I am just a female that keeps it real. So this week I’m going to keep it real by addressing this one letter.
What I need help with is the fear of rejection and the fear about what women thinking about me. I always feel that the only way to get the attention of an ttraction woman is to have a great line; is it safe to just walk up to an attraction woman and introduce myself (or ask her for her name first) and yes, engage in “small talk” – jobs, family, etc.?
What are you so afraid of? In any game there are some plays that are risky to run, but if you don’t they may cost you the game regardless. So do you play it safe, or do you play the game? Don’t be a voluntary bench warmer when you can be a starter … you just gotta get int to the game!
It’s a risk, but what are the costs vs. the risks? A bruised ego vs. a new woman in your life.
I get rejected all the time in my career, but I keep going on auditions and interviews. And instead of walking away with less self esteem everytime I hear “you’re not what we’re looking for,” I just think that it wasn’t meant to be or for me and I move on. Not fearing rejection is the only thing that will lead to acceptance.
Relationships are even more so applicable to that. If you get rejected, so what … on to the next one!
And yes, talk to us … again, what do you have to lose? A lot less than what you have to gain. Don’t come up with some cheesy line though, just start a conversation like you would with the teller at the bank, or cashier at Target. A pretty girl is just a normal person and doesn’t deserve any sort of special treatment, so don’t give her any. “Hello,” is always a good place to start.
Humor is also a good way to start a conversation. Make a woman laugh and you’re in like Flynn. One time a guy walked up to me and grabbed the (faux) fur lining on my coat hood and asked, “what is this, gerbil?” It cracked me up, and we hung out for a little while. But don’t try too hard to be funny because that will only make you look stupid.
What is your advice for men my age (43) dating younger women say 28-32?
Well, you either have to be a sugar daddy or on their maturity and life level, which is typically the case anyway because women mature far younger and faster than men (no offense). My age gap is typically 10 years older. Anything more than that tends to separate us too much, and in much more than in regards to age. So aim a little higher, say 33.
You can also go to the Viagra Triangle in Chicago, which is notorious for guys picking up younger chicks. I like to go and play a game I invented called “dad or date” when we guess if they’re father and daughter, or sugar daddy and arm candy.
Finally, I enjoyed reading the reply that you gave to someone about emotional love vs. physical love. Is that really true? ~Matty
Abso-freaking-lutely. My roster of ex-boyfriends aren’t exactly stud muffins. But they were great, amazing, funny guys who attracted me with their character.
Take my good friend, Shana here for example.
She’s a model (obviously) and owns her own modeling agency, About Face Models. She works with gorgeous, six-packed, chiseled, perfectly jaw-lined guys all the time. But they actually turn her off because she’s attracted to menly men who have dirty hands and don’t spend as much time getting ready as she does. Some of the guys she’s dated have been so unattractive in fact we pick on her and call her a chubby chaser. But that’s all in good fun because we respect the fact Shana doesn’t date based on looks, especially when she looks as good as she does.
Keep the e-mails coming to email@example.com and I promise I will get to yours even if I have to just write back directly.