What The…Bobcats?

By Chris Johnson
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Chicago Bulls v Charlotte Bobcats

Photo by Streeter Lecka/Getty Images

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So last night I went to my first Bobcats game to see what all the fuss, or lack thereof, was this season.  A few words came to mind as I watched the Bobcats taking on the Bulls: lackluster, uninspired and pathetic.  So here is my recap of one of the worst basketball games I have ever seen.

The start of the game with player introductions had a video of the Bobcats with the theme of going the extra degree to win.  It states that water doesn’t boil at 211 degrees but it does at 212, saying that the extra degree can make all the difference.  Here is my suggestion: the Bobcats shouldn’t worry about the extra degree, they should see what they can do about getting any of the first 211.  The video showed lots of clips of the Bobcats players and shoot around, which I can only guess is due to the lack of actual game highlights to be found.  After the video ends, the jumbotron zooms in on the Bobcats in their pregame huddle dancing and laughing.  I don’t know about you, but I don’t find anything fun or enjoyable about a 3-23 record.  I, unlike Rob Gronkowski , don’t feel like dancing when faced with the adversity of losing, and I really don’t think the Bobcats or anyone else should be cutting a rug.  It was as if the Cats didn’t take the game or anything else seriously.  I have a suggestion for the Bobcat’s brass: how about instead of that video, show a video of them getting dunked on, shooting air balls and getting drubbed by thirty plus – maybe then they can take things seriously and at least show up for the game.

The Bulls on their first possession hit a three to take the lead, and they pretty much never looked back.  Reggie Williams had a pretty nice dunk in the first quarter, and I looked at the scoreboard, saw 13-10 Bulls and thought, “hey, maybe without Derrick Rose we can actually hang with them.”  That was erroneous on multiple accounts.  For anyone watching any future Bobcats games I have a suggestion: don’t look down at your phone to check a text message while the game is still close, because when you look back up, we will be down by eight and the end of anything considered competitive basketball will be over.  Bobcats end the first quarter down 31-16.

In between quarters the screen pops up telling anyone that if they want to become a Bobcats Crazie, to go to a certain section of the stadium. It shows three people dressed up in Bobcats gear, one guy with a monkey around his neck for some reason, one guy with what looked like a Rey Mysterio Bobcats mask on(I didn’t blame him for hiding his face), and one guy that just liked to point at the logo on his jersey.  I’m not exactly sure what a Bobcat Crazie is, but I can only assume it is someone who has seen enough of this team to actually go insane.  I think there is a real marketing opportunity being missed here – a  local psychiatrist should absolutely be advertising somewhere at Time Warner Cable Arena. “Do you suffer from seasonal or sports depression?  Come talk to us, walk-in appointments welcome.”

The second quarter wasn’t much better.  I did witness something I had never seen in an actual live basketball game that wasn’t played on a YMCA court: someone actually air-ball a foul shot.  I was jarred by Bismack Biyombo completely whiffing on a free throw until Diop actually did it again later on in the game.  As a Tar Heel fan I have seen my share of missed field goals in the past week – but at least draw rim, brick it, something.  I only thought, well, at least this could make worst plays of the week and put Charlotte in some type of highlight reel.  The rest of the second quarter was a conversation with my friend, a Duke fan, about the game on Wednesday night, and I pointed him to Bruce’s blog  where he compared the game to a poker game.  It’s a great read – if you haven’t checked it out yet, do so – and that is coming from a Tar Heel fan so you know I’m not lying.  My buddy read the blog the rest of the quarter and I tried to decide if the little “pretend-shoot, smile and wave at the camera” move the Lady cats make is cool or not.  Halftime comes and its 56-34 Bulls.

At halftime I decide to hit the arena for concessions, bathroom and a nicotine fix.  By the way, props to the Bobcats for still having a smoking section.  The good people at Bank of America stadium could take a page from them on this one – some of the best sport’s conversations I have ever had have been in the smoking section at sporting events.  I stop to check out the Lakers-Knicks game on one of the TVs near the concession stand as I see Linsanity taking place and wonder if maybe the Bobcats have someone on the end of their bench that just hasn’t been discovered yet.  I laugh at the thought and head back to my seat.

As I get back my buddy tells me that I missed a pretty cool BMX half time show, and I can’t help but wonder if I missed the highlight of the evening.  Much of the third quarter was filled with a conversation about how I wonder if the guy that announces the Bobcats games is like Bob Uecker from the Major League movies before the Indians get good in the movie.  I wonder if the Bobcats could get Bob Uecker to commentate the games.  Wait, is Bob Uecker still alive?  Oh, thank goodness, I just checked Google, he is.  Loul Deng, Carlos Boozer, and Joakim Noah continue to be too much for the Bobcats.  At one point my friend points out to me that Boozer, Deng and Corey Maggette, all Duke players, were on the court at the same time.  I’m not sure this is something to be proud of or not and I was happy no Carolina players were involved.  Where is Sean May when you need him?  Third quarter ends, Bulls 79-51.

The fourth quarter ends and I figure I might as well stay since I have made it this long.  A guy on stilts with a lacrosse stick comes out to throw t-shirts into the crowd.  I am highly confused by this because I can’t figure out what lacrosse or stilts have to do with the Bobcats, although you could make an argument that stilts could be associated with clowns, which wouldn’t be far from what was going on on the court.  I find that I am highly annoyed by this lacrosse-stick-wielding pseudo-clown and that I don’t want to see anymore of him.  The circus that is the Bobcat pep squad redeems themselves when they raise Rufus the mascot from the court all the way into the top of the rafters as a rather large sign dangles from his feet.  I start looking to the ceiling to see if maybe Sting is up there hanging out with a baseball bat, but I wasn’t able to find him (that’s two wrestling references in one b-ball blog, I’m on a roll).  The rest of the game I talk about how much I dislike Joakim Noah and always have – you are making millions in the NBA, it is time to give up the homeless look.  The game ends 95-64.  I think the NBA should start a rule that if your team can’t manage to put up 70 points in a game that they should hand out free tickets to another game if you stay the whole four quarters.

The night wasn’t a total loss, as I did get a free bobble head.  It is Rufus in a Coca-Cola 600 outfit for Nascar Night.  Nothing screams cross promotion like a bright orange cat in a fire suit, gotta love it.  Also I checked out that new barbecue joint, Queen City Q, that the Mac Attack had their Carolina-Duke watch party at.  Good stuff.  The brisket was unreal, you should definitely check it out, and you can tell them Chris sent you, although that won’t get you anything.  I just have always wanted to say that.  Anyway, I will probably hit up a few more games – if not for something to write about, at least for some unintentional comedy.  When does the football combine start again?

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